Job Ads - I've been doing this job hunting thing for a while now, and the ads I come often make me laugh. Sure, sure, I know what you're saying "Job hunting is serious business, a full time job. It's not fucking funny!

Well, just hold on a second, now. If there's one thing I've been reminded of, over and over is that "real" tech people truly, even in light of all the annoying 12-sided die-related stereotypes, cannot put together a cohesive thought to save their lives. Also your general human resources types have no idea what any of the tech people are saying, ever.

I've spent my time trying to decipher job listings that require "Advanced knowledge of Windows 95, 98, NT, 2000, XP, Unix, Linux, and ALL OTHER OPERATING SYSTEMS." I've applied for jobs that insist on "A minimum of 15 years experience" in Windows 2000 development. I suppose those particular people also need ready access to a time machine.

There have been Unix administrator jobs that don't mention Unix outside the title, and Network Engineering positions that reuqire nothing more than the candidate be female and have at least five years accounting experience. People have asked me to explain to them not only why I'm the best candidate for the job, but also specifically why other candidates whom I've never met aren't.

I've even applied for a job that concisely reduced me to a number. The company hired someone, and spent quite a lot of money, I'm sure, developing a front-line resume selection doodad. They were looking for someone who fit at least 87.2% of the listed required qualifications, and I was only got a B-, with 81.4%. Imagine I'd actually studied for that test.

Now, today, I came across an ad that has me seriosly considering the possibility that the job market and economy are in such shambles because the companies aren't actually capible of hiring people. How would you respond if you saw "MCSECERTIFICATIONCCIEISDESIERABLEFIVEYEARS
LOTUSNOTESADMINISTRATIONKNOWLEDGEOFCC++AND.NET" on a job posting? I closed the window and started dreaming of pot stickers.

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Love them or hate them, Ween are sometimes pretty funny. Check out their Audio Page, read the Cheese thing, and then listen to the songs. Trust me. Unless you're Jason Hollander, you'll laugh.

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Farewell, Captain Kangaroo.